My third book, Tales From Area 51: Memoirs of Policing near London, was published in August 2009 by Discovered Authors.
This book is a collection of humorous stories from my policing days in the UK, and marks a transition from sitting angrily in my underpants and fuming at the state of play (see below), to chilling out slightly and having a chuckle at the absurdity of it all.
These are memoirs as you have never seen them before.
“With a guttural cry erupting as if from the bowels of a seething, unearthly leviathan, PC Jug lowered his puissant frame and plunged powerfully through the outer core, and disappeared from view, as he entered the heat and the fire and the base corruption of the inmost quarrel. Indeed, he had entered hell itself, and soon it would all come to the boil, like a giant pan of angry pasta on the stovetop of rage …”
Available from all good bookstores and online.
My first book, This Victorian Playground Part 1; Policing a Victim Culture in Britain, was published in April 2008 by Melrose Books. Written between February and May 2007, the book is a diatribe on the rather dreadful state of policing in the UK.
This book is an entirely realistic commentary on the current debacle that is policing in Britain, complete with frustration, some strong language and descriptions of political insanity. Not for the faint of heart.
“I honestly think it would be far easier to club a stegosaurus to death with an inflatable banana than it would be to sort this dire, bureaucratic farce out …”
Available from all good bookstores and online.
My second book, This Victorian Playground Part 2; Arriving in the Van, was published by Melrose Books in September 2008.
Written almost entirely in a state of emotional and physical decortication, this book is an angry, caustic, experimental rant on a variety of peripheral policing issues, exploring the dank, dark corners of the collective British psyche. It is unique among its field.
Contains some very strong language.
“Britain is dancing around on the toilet seat, seemingly oblivious to the slippery, sweaty-arse patches and unidentifiable gritty bits clearly posing a danger. Instead we twist and twirl and pirhouette, our pretty, lacy frills billowing in our wake, coming ever closer to the edge. This pink and fluffy dream of ours; this fallacy; this playground fantasy – unhampered by the stark reality of our situation. Soon, and without warning, we’ll simply slip into the bowl; our scream of despair – and surprise, no doubt – met with a deep, cold plunge. Then we’ll slide down the U-bend without further hesitation and be lost forever …”
Available from all good bookstores and online.
